EXIT INTERVIEW
“Thanks for dropping by. I promise not to take up too much of your time. We'll jump right
into this --”
“No pun intended?”
“Funny. I'm glad to
see you’ve kept your sense of humor throughout this whole ordeal. I know it hasn’t been easy. Which leads us to our first question: Why the sudden departure?”
“You have to ask? It’s in my file.”
“Sure. But I would
like to hear your point of view.”
“I fought it as long as I could. Our competitor pulled off the game-winning play at the last second. Sucks, but it happens. Next question?”
“Do you feel that you were given the proper tools to do your
job?”
“For the most part.
There's always room for improvement, I suppose.”
“Care to elaborate?”
“What worked a thousand years ago doesn’t have the same
effect these days. Kids talk like that
to their parents at the dinner table. I could rattle off a million things our team could have done
differently. I just don’t have the
energy right now. I’m friggin' tired, man.”
“Understood.”
“I am legion, so they say, but I gotta wonder why I’m
the only one who feels rode hard and put up wet.”
“If it’s any
consolation, upper management has always appreciated your ‘team first’
mentality.”
“Thanks. I guess.”
“Just a couple more questions and we're done here. Tell me the one thing you liked most
about this job.”
“The blasphemy.”
“Ah, yes.”
“Unfortunately, they’ve seen it all before, like I said. I’ve got the little bitch crawling across
the ceiling . . . I’m telling them things about themselves they’ve never shared
with anyone . . . projectile vomit, right in the face . . . they might
as well be watching the nightly news.
Nothing phases those assholes anymore.”
“Are there any additional comments you
would like for me to document before we wrap this up?”
“Your mother sucks cocks in
Hell.”
“That one never gets old. You are a funny guy. Now, if you’ll check in with Acquisitions at
the end of the hall they will give you your next assignment . . . ”
“Entry level, of
course.”
“Ha! I see what you did there.”
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